I’ve lived with fear a long time. It’s been such a close companion, for much of my life I didn’t even know it for what it was. I assumed it was normal to worry like crazy, feel anxious and berate oneself for failures. Most of us do it all the time, behaving as if we all should somehow magically be prepared for any possible contingency, every possible outcome. “What an idiot I am! Why didn’t I realize that was going to happen? I should have known! I should have seen the signs!!!”

Lately, I found myself worrying a lot about whether my business will succeed or fail. Am I doing everything I can to promote myself? Am I doing it right? Do I even know what I’m supposed to be doing? What if it doesn’t work? What if I can’t do it???

The questions were swimming around in my head, keeping me up at night and waking me up in a state of panic in the mornings. “I’ll be OK,” I told myself. “I have faith that it will work out; I’m in a learning curve, that’s all.” But no matter how much I tried to hush the panicky voices inside me, they only seemed to hang on tighter and get louder.

I finally sat down to confront them the other night. I wanted to truly understand why, no matter what I said or did, I still felt this anxiety. Finally, it hit me: what my fear needed to hear was confirmation that I have failed. I HAVE FAILED. I’m doing it even now. Oh, my. Wow. I am currently failing. My business success is not happening the way I wanted it to right now.  I’ve FAILED!!!!! Aaaarrrrggghhhhh!!!

And then I started laughing. Because as soon as I admitted to myself that I am failing, I have failed and I no doubt will continue to fail, I FELT BETTER. My anxiety lightened up a little. The problems I’m dealing with didn’t go away, but the panicky questions in my head – the constant stream of “what ifs?” – got quieter.

I’m still giggling a little as I write this. What a relief to remember that it’s OK to fail; in fact we do it all the time. How lovely to revel in failures and the lessons they can teach rather than shy away from them. Now that I’ve admitted to failing, I am open to possibility. Instead of the nagging “What if?” I can hear the exhilarating “What’s next?!”

Try it. Admit to your deepest fear. You can fail. It doesn’t have to be spectacular; it can just be. I wonder what will happen when you do.

Imagine that. Creativity improves the brain.

Take THAT, all you gremlins and old myths that have told us for so long that art is not important or that creativity has no real value.

Take THAT, my high school Algebra teacher who criticized the fact that I was studying poetry, saying “What’s that gonna getcha?” all those years ago.

“A BETTER FUNCTIONING BRAIN!” I can now say!

Recently, I attended a marketing workshop where, for the first time in public, I confessed that it is my BIG DREAM to be a part of the paradigm shift towards valuing creativity in all its forms, towards the belief that YOU can, I can, WE ALL can do what we love in the world, do what we are passionate about, what matters to us AND be valued for it. No more, “you can’t make a living doing that”. No more, “if you’re an artist you’ll have to starve.” No more of that. I reject it.

And, apparently, neuroscience does, too.

Our ancestors knew that art and creativity had value. Why else would they have ensured that future leaders were trained not only in diplomacy, war, science and math but ALSO in dance, art, languages, poetry? They knew: the more creative you are, the better you will function. The better leader you will make.

In this emerging New Economy, in our 21^st Century “Brave New World,” those of us who value the capacity for creativity will lead the way.

What will enable you to step up and take the lead?

It could be you’re grateful for the sunshine. Or the rain. You could be grateful for your friends, your family, your beloved. You could be grateful for your job. You could be grateful that your boss isn’t bugging you with more work, or that you have an upcoming vacation. You could be grateful for your dog or cat. You could be grateful for the roof over your head.

What do we have if we don’t have gratitude? How could we connect with joy, with our drive and motivation, with our souls without it?

Gratitude is up for me today. Don’t even quite know why, except that I have had some experiences and achievements lately that are reminding me to acknowledge my gratitude. I’ve completed my Certified Professional Coach training. I think it didn’t occur to me how BIG this would feel. I’ve spent the better part of the last two years dedicated to this achievement, and now, here it is. So much has happened in my life; so much has changed (mostly for the better!)

I am grateful there was a Coach Training program near me. I am grateful that I had the courage to make the choice to go to this program. I am grateful for my instructors: their kindness, compassion, support and modeling of what masterful coaching is. I am so very grateful to my fellow classmates who have been with me on this extraordinary journey.

I am grateful to be finished with my schoolwork. I am extremely grateful to those clients who have been with me for over a year, who took the risk to begin coaching with me when I was still a “newbie”. I am grateful for my newer clients and for the clients who are on their way. I am grateful for my friends and family members who have supported (and worried for) me through this career change.

I am grateful to be living out loud my dream of being my own boss, doing what I love every day and doing something that matters in the world.

In a way, this blog post is turning into one great big THANK YOU note, but that’s OK.

Gratitude is about acknowledging where you’ve been and where you are now. It gives us permission to see our own accomplishments and who has been there with us all along. Most importantly, gratitude puts us in touch with our JOY. And joy reminds us to be who we truly are in the world, thus inspiring others to do the same.

So, write down 5 more things you’re grateful for. Tonight, before you go to bed, list 5 more. Do this every day and you may start to see something shift in your life – shift inside of you.

What are you grateful for right now?

At the time, I thought there was something wrong with me, because I didn’t know how to love myself. I figured I was doomed to a life without love, since I couldn’t say that I loved myself.

I can now say that I love myself.

What changed? First I had to come to truly KNOW my Self – with all of her faults and beauty. Only then could I embrace her and tell her “I love you.” It’s been a long journey with many twists and turns, but I can now honestly say I love myself.

I often hear clients who are struggling with how much to charge for their services or artwork, and I am reminded of what my mother used to say. How can we expect others to value what we have to offer if we do not value ourselves?

We’re taught that putting ourselves first is “selfish”. But how can we truly be of service to others if we do not care for ourselves? It’s that old airplane adage: “Put your oxygen mask on FIRST before you help someone else with theirs.” Only by caring for, loving and VALUING ourselves can we truly show up in the world in an authentic and meaningful way.

So, the next time you’re struggling with how much to charge for your work, go ahead and figure out your hourly rate and the cost of your materials, but remember to do so with YOU at the center, as the most valuable asset you have to offer your clients, customers and the world. There’s only one YOU. You’re the only one who can do what YOU do!

How do you value yourself? Where does it show up for you?  Here are some ideas:

• Take time to do what you love to do. (Even “doing nothing” is OK!) This is a way of loving yourself.
• Go for a walk. Take a nice hot bath. Take yourself out to lunch or a movie.
• Create a space for YOU in your home. It could be a shelf where you put your favorite pictures and knickknacks. It could be a whole room devoted to YOU and what you love.
• Collect thank-you notes and compliments. Put them in a scrapbook and look it over when you’re feeling down (or up for that matter!) Celebrate your successes. Remembering that others value you can help you when you’re struggling to value yourself.

When you value yourself, you (and your work) will be valued tenfold!

Many of us in the alternative/creative/helping professions find ourselves constantly bumping up against some old myths:

“You can’t make a living doing what you love.”

“If you’re an artist/helper you have to take a vow of poverty.”

I’ve believed these myths myself for a long time. But that’s starting to change.

For many of us, our creativity is something we cherish, that’s precious to us. And “work” or our “job” is something we have to do in order to get to pursue our creative endeavors. This bargain works for a lot of people. However, for those of us who take the risk to birth our creative endeavors into the world as entrepreneurs, the challenge to make what we LOVE into our WORK can be paralyzing.

To bridge the gap between Work and Creativity, we must be willing to let our creativity come out and play more. Invite your creativity to sit down at the computer with you when you’re working on your business – whether it’s working on marketing materials or business taxes! When you sit down to do “work”, ask yourself: “What’s my motivation? What is the goal of this business task?” It’s likely, if you follow your own line of thinking long enough, that you will come to an answer that brings you back to your creativity, your joy, your raison d’etre. “I’m doing this to attract clients, because I love coaching clients!” or “I’m working on this spreadsheet to understand how many pieces of jewelry I need to make in order to earn a living, so that I can MAKE MORE jewelry – cause that’s what I LOVE to do!”

Inviting our creativity into our business can also show us new ways of tackling things we love to hate. For example, I get anxious when I look at my “To Do” list. Sometimes, I can get so paralyzed by how much is on the list that I end up doing nothing. So recently I came up with a new way of making a To Do list that doesn’t paralyze me. I call it my “Menu of Choices”. I actually took a template for a restaurant menu and simply replaced the categories of “Appetizers, Entrees and Desserts” with things like “Reading & Research”, “Creativity Corner” and “Fun Stuff”. In each category I have a few things listed – some of which I am obliged to do, some of which I simply like to do. When I look at the Menu, I see a variety of things to choose from, rather than a long list of tasks looming in front of me.

The key to keeping our creativity and joy present in our business lies in how we are placing our attention to our intentions. We set intentions all of the time – but we must remember that to set an intention is not like making a New Year’s resolution. If we “fall off the wagon” of our intentions, rather than focusing our attention on what we did “wrong” or berating ourselves, we must cultivate the self-discipline to bring our focus back to the original intention. We can even creatively modify or change our intentions, to meet the needs of the moment.

When setting an intention for ourselves, it’s important to keep it in the present. Rather than saying, “I intend to start practicing Yoga every day,” say “I practice Yoga every day.” The former is easy to put off doing…the latter is more present and more powerful.

One attendee at a recent workshop I held was struggling with what happens when she “falls off the wagon” of her intention. “What if I don’t follow my intention?” she asked. I said, “Then you forgive yourself for falling off the wagon, and start up again.” In response to this, she set a new intention:

“I build a wagon.”

Which was a very creative answer. We can each build the wagons of our creative intentions and hitch them up to our business intentions, in order to break the stranglehold of those negative myths of success in creative entrepreneurship.

Our capacity to achieve our goals and manifest our intentions lies not solely in our skill with a paintbrush, a pen or our training in a specific practice. Our capacity to achieve lies within our hearts.

As Creative Entrepreneurs, we often find ourselves feeling alone in what we do. Whether it’s our art or vocation requiring alone time to pursue or it’s the feeling that no one understands or accepts the choices we’ve made to pursue our art or vocation – we feel alone.

At a workshop I held recently, the feeling of community that the participants generated in the not-quite-2 hours we were together enthralled me. It could be that this group was made up of people uniquely poised to engage with others, but what I’d prefer to believe is that, given the opportunity (as they were) to be authentically themselves and meet each other in a heartfelt, genuine way, their sense of and capacity for community was enriched.

Each of the participants expressed afterwards how much they appreciated the group as a whole. It’s my hope that some true community was begun that day and that at least a few of these folks stayed in touch. Regardless, the experience brought home to me again how important it is to reach out to community. Whether it’s formal or informal, a regular group meeting or a gathering of friends, we are buoyed by community. In community with each other, we remember that we are not alone.

Find a community (or two!) to support you when you feel alone, disconnected or discouraged. Meet up with like-mindeds, or challenge yourself to meet with people you wouldn’t usually choose to know. You may learn something! Or, take a class. Take your dog to the dog park. Go to a workshop or networking event. Most important of all, be yourself. Be who you are at your heart’s core and you will find the community you need.

Seek out that group of genuine people who speak to your heart, mind and spirit.

They’re out there. And they need community, too.

I am ready to start thinking about the New Year. The Winter Solstice period is an ideal time for reflection, soul-searching and germinating the seeds of what will come next…

So, as a preview of what I have planned, please read below!

I’m excited to announce that I will be hosting two new workshop events as well as my ongoing coaching group in the New Year:

• The first is a collaboration between me and Tarot card reader, Amy Goetz www.barefootphoenix.com. Amy is a charming and ebullient presenter grounded in spirit. I first went to her Tarot workshop a couple of months ago and quickly saw the connection between the power of the Tarot and the power of Coaching. Amy and I will be presenting a workshop which will help you set your Intentions for the New Year – a different and more meaningful take on the New Year’s resolution. This workshop will be taking place in the second week of January, date TBD. It will be held in the Northgate area of Seattle.

• Additionally, I am diligently working on a workshop focused on re-connecting with your Creative Joy. In this workshop you will face into what stops you from pursuing your creative dreams and tackle those issues head-on so that you can get your feet back on the path to your true calling. As I finalize this workshop, I’ll be sending out more information on dates & location.

• Finally, I have had the distinct pleasure of facilitating a great coaching group, aptly named “Creatives-n-Tea” each month in the Wallingford neighborhood of Seattle. This group is open to any Creative Entrepreneurs who desire community, networking and some thought-provoking conversation. The next Tea will be held on Wednesday, December 16th from 12:30-2:30PM at Tea House Kuan Yin in Wallingford. Please contact me for more information about the Creatives-n-Tea coaching group!

May Joy abound for you this Holiday Season and may your dreams and goals manifest in the New Year!