Category Archives: letting go

Mar25

Trusting the Process

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Trusting the Process

Trusting the process is, in essence, the act of trusting yourself. Maybe that’s why it feels so hard, sometimes. We shy away from trusting ourselves – often because we focus on mistakes or “bad” decisions/judgment calls we’ve made in the past (like, yesterday). It’s hard for me to trust myself when I remember my failed relationships, the debt I’ve racked up, the jobs I’ve held that stressed me out so much they made me sick (literally). Our “inner critic” can be so loud sometimes that we get stuck where we are, reliving over and over the messes we’ve created, the things we can’t forgive ourselves for.

But the very idea of trusting the process is rooted in the notion that we are not stagnant. We are not stuck in the past, doomed to continue making the same mistakes or decisions that do not serve us. The first step to trusting the process is remembering that LIFE is a process. The second step? That, as living beings, WE are a process.

I’m sitting in my backyard as I write this and the process Nature goes through — renewing herself yet again at this time of year– strikes me. The process of pushing buds out into flowers, followed by leaves; the process of insects emerging from their hidey-holes into the light of day; the process of birds returning North to fill our skies with song.

Nature trusts her process.

What would it be like for you if you trusted that you could make choices that were different, were right for you? How different could life be if you allowed mistakes as a part of the process, pausing to admire the learning along the way?

The flower blossoms don’t stay on the cherry trees forever (much as I wish they would). In Nature’s process they are joined by leaves and eventually become fruit. What fruits will you harvest when you trust your process and let go of the wilted flowers of your past?

What becomes possible for you?

Mar12

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try

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If at first you don’t succeed, try, try

…DIFFERENTLY!

I had to let go of a project this week. That sounds easier than it was. It took some time for me to reach the conclusion that it simply wasn’t going to work out the way I’d planned it. For some of us, letting go is viewed as a last resort – we cling to the outcome or goal we seek at all costs, until the outcome feels all-important. Letting go of that desired outcome or goal feels like “giving up” or worse yet, “abject failure”!

I’m coming to learn, however, that letting go can actually reconnect us to the very results we so dearly wished for when we were clinging so hard. This project, for example. I put a lot of stake in it succeeding. I had the expectation that it would make money – not only for me, but for the person I partnered with. I had the expectation that it would bring me more clients and increase my reputation. I had expectations of it being wildly successful.

That’s a lot of expectations. Looking at it now, I envision those expectations as if they were “sticky grenades” (to borrow an expression). I stuck them on this project and they were just about ready to explode in my face! All of those expectations caused me to feel pressured, panicked and anxious. And those feelings were creeping up on me little by little as the deadline approached…I almost didn’t notice them until it was too late.

I had to face the facts: I had given up on myself in the process of attaching to these expectations and outcomes. I confronted my feelings and realized I had disconnected from the initial idea – what I loved about it. So, I decided to let it go. The whole thing.

And once I did, I felt lighter, clearer.

Suddenly, there was possibility again. In my feeling of lightness, I could clearly envision my next steps:

I set an intention to stay mindful of the process and the love of what I’m choosing rather than attaching to specific outcomes. I let go of any particular expectations. I stay curious, stay open and let what happens, happen.

I’ll let you know how it goes.