I’ve lived with fear a long time. It’s been such a close companion, for much of my life I didn’t even know it for what it was. I assumed it was normal to worry like crazy, feel anxious and berate oneself for failures. Most of us do it all the time, behaving as if we all should somehow magically be prepared for any possible contingency, every possible outcome. “What an idiot I am! Why didn’t I realize that was going to happen? I should have known! I should have seen the signs!!!”

Lately, I found myself worrying a lot about whether my business will succeed or fail. Am I doing everything I can to promote myself? Am I doing it right? Do I even know what I’m supposed to be doing? What if it doesn’t work? What if I can’t do it???

The questions were swimming around in my head, keeping me up at night and waking me up in a state of panic in the mornings. “I’ll be OK,” I told myself. “I have faith that it will work out; I’m in a learning curve, that’s all.” But no matter how much I tried to hush the panicky voices inside me, they only seemed to hang on tighter and get louder.

I finally sat down to confront them the other night. I wanted to truly understand why, no matter what I said or did, I still felt this anxiety. Finally, it hit me: what my fear needed to hear was confirmation that I have failed. I HAVE FAILED. I’m doing it even now. Oh, my. Wow. I am currently failing. My business success is not happening the way I wanted it to right now.  I’ve FAILED!!!!! Aaaarrrrggghhhhh!!!

And then I started laughing. Because as soon as I admitted to myself that I am failing, I have failed and I no doubt will continue to fail, I FELT BETTER. My anxiety lightened up a little. The problems I’m dealing with didn’t go away, but the panicky questions in my head – the constant stream of “what ifs?” – got quieter.

I’m still giggling a little as I write this. What a relief to remember that it’s OK to fail; in fact we do it all the time. How lovely to revel in failures and the lessons they can teach rather than shy away from them. Now that I’ve admitted to failing, I am open to possibility. Instead of the nagging “What if?” I can hear the exhilarating “What’s next?!”

Try it. Admit to your deepest fear. You can fail. It doesn’t have to be spectacular; it can just be. I wonder what will happen when you do.

Imagine that. Creativity improves the brain.

Take THAT, all you gremlins and old myths that have told us for so long that art is not important or that creativity has no real value.

Take THAT, my high school Algebra teacher who criticized the fact that I was studying poetry, saying “What’s that gonna getcha?” all those years ago.

“A BETTER FUNCTIONING BRAIN!” I can now say!

Recently, I attended a marketing workshop where, for the first time in public, I confessed that it is my BIG DREAM to be a part of the paradigm shift towards valuing creativity in all its forms, towards the belief that YOU can, I can, WE ALL can do what we love in the world, do what we are passionate about, what matters to us AND be valued for it. No more, “you can’t make a living doing that”. No more, “if you’re an artist you’ll have to starve.” No more of that. I reject it.

And, apparently, neuroscience does, too.

Our ancestors knew that art and creativity had value. Why else would they have ensured that future leaders were trained not only in diplomacy, war, science and math but ALSO in dance, art, languages, poetry? They knew: the more creative you are, the better you will function. The better leader you will make.

In this emerging New Economy, in our 21^st Century “Brave New World,” those of us who value the capacity for creativity will lead the way.

What will enable you to step up and take the lead?

It could be you’re grateful for the sunshine. Or the rain. You could be grateful for your friends, your family, your beloved. You could be grateful for your job. You could be grateful that your boss isn’t bugging you with more work, or that you have an upcoming vacation. You could be grateful for your dog or cat. You could be grateful for the roof over your head.

What do we have if we don’t have gratitude? How could we connect with joy, with our drive and motivation, with our souls without it?

Gratitude is up for me today. Don’t even quite know why, except that I have had some experiences and achievements lately that are reminding me to acknowledge my gratitude. I’ve completed my Certified Professional Coach training. I think it didn’t occur to me how BIG this would feel. I’ve spent the better part of the last two years dedicated to this achievement, and now, here it is. So much has happened in my life; so much has changed (mostly for the better!)

I am grateful there was a Coach Training program near me. I am grateful that I had the courage to make the choice to go to this program. I am grateful for my instructors: their kindness, compassion, support and modeling of what masterful coaching is. I am so very grateful to my fellow classmates who have been with me on this extraordinary journey.

I am grateful to be finished with my schoolwork. I am extremely grateful to those clients who have been with me for over a year, who took the risk to begin coaching with me when I was still a “newbie”. I am grateful for my newer clients and for the clients who are on their way. I am grateful for my friends and family members who have supported (and worried for) me through this career change.

I am grateful to be living out loud my dream of being my own boss, doing what I love every day and doing something that matters in the world.

In a way, this blog post is turning into one great big THANK YOU note, but that’s OK.

Gratitude is about acknowledging where you’ve been and where you are now. It gives us permission to see our own accomplishments and who has been there with us all along. Most importantly, gratitude puts us in touch with our JOY. And joy reminds us to be who we truly are in the world, thus inspiring others to do the same.

So, write down 5 more things you’re grateful for. Tonight, before you go to bed, list 5 more. Do this every day and you may start to see something shift in your life – shift inside of you.

What are you grateful for right now?

But the very idea of trusting the process is rooted in the notion that we are not stagnant. We are not stuck in the past, doomed to continue making the same mistakes or decisions that do not serve us. The first step to trusting the process is remembering that LIFE is a process. The second step? That, as living beings, WE are a process.

I’m sitting in my backyard as I write this and the process Nature goes through — renewing herself yet again at this time of year– strikes me. The process of pushing buds out into flowers, followed by leaves; the process of insects emerging from their hidey-holes into the light of day; the process of birds returning North to fill our skies with song.

Nature trusts her process.

What would it be like for you if you trusted that you could make choices that were different, were right for you? How different could life be if you allowed mistakes as a part of the process, pausing to admire the learning along the way?

The flower blossoms don’t stay on the cherry trees forever (much as I wish they would). In Nature’s process they are joined by leaves and eventually become fruit. What fruits will you harvest when you trust your process and let go of the wilted flowers of your past?

What becomes possible for you?

• How am I feeling right now? (Ex: Sad, mad, angry, frustrated)
• How would I like to feel? (Ex: Happy, relaxed, worry-free)
• What do I need to support the good feelings I want? (Ex: To feel heard, to feel like I matter, to de-stress)
• What can I do for myself in order to get that support? (Ex: Ask for what I need, take a walk in the park to cool off & get clarity, take a hot bath to relax, etc.)

It’s important to remember that you’re searching for an answer inside, not a magic bullet from outside yourself. You may want your spouse, or boss, or parent to change, but you can’t control that. You can, however, support yourself inside in the face of those difficult conflicts.

It’s not about having all the answers, but rather being able to stay curious and keep asking the questions. Don’t let your mind fool you — you DO know deep down inside, everything you need to know to make positive sustained change in your life.

In the blog, Mr. Williams reports on a study conducted by Canadian researcher, Dr. Joanne Wood at the University of Waterloo and her colleagues at the University of New Brunswick “who have recently published their research in the Journal of Psychological Science, [and] concluded that ‘repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as individuals with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most.’”

This may come as a surprise to many of us in the coaching profession who strongly support the “power of positive thinking” as a tool for helping our clients change their lives.

The research conducted by Dr. Wood posits that people with particularly low self-esteem may respond poorly (feel worse) when they are instructed to repeat “positive affirmations” to themselves. This is mainly because those individuals with such low self-esteem simply cannot believe themselves “lovable”, “successful”. “capable” etc. Repeating these affirmations only makes them feel less lovable, successful or capable, not more so. It’s as if each affirmation, though intended to reinforce positive feelings, is just a reminder to these folks that they still have a long way to go before they feel good. (I know I have felt that way sometimes!)

However, Mr. Williams points out, “positive affirmations can help when they are part of a broader program of intervention. That intervention can take place in a number of forms such as cognitive psychotherapy or working with a coach who has expertise in the behavioral sciences.”

In other words, simply repeating positive phrases to yourself without the support and encouragement of a coach or therapist may not effect any significant change in your life. Rather, a more holistic approach — one that doesn’t deny negative thoughts, but rather accepts them — may prove to be more helpful.

Mr. Williams mentions theorists whom he terms “Third Wave Psychologists” who “encourage mindfulness, the meditation-inspired practice of observing thoughts without getting entangled by them” and “argue that trying to correct negative thoughts can paradoxically actually intensify them.”

These psychologists “acknowledge that negative thoughts recur throughout our life and instead of challenging or fighting with them, we should concentrate on identifying and committing to our values in life…we have pain, but rather than trying to push it away, they say trying to push it away or deny it just gives it more energy and strength.”

While there is nothing wrong with focusing our attention on positive intentions to manifest the outcomes we desire, we must also be ready to encounter those negative thoughts and behaviors that tend to hold us back. When we do, the key element to overcoming them is not to deny them, or degrade ourselves for having them, but rather to accept that we have thoughts and behaviors that we often term “negative” but that just “are”. We can let those feelings come and go, stay unattached to them and re-focus our energies on what we truly want in life. Doing so may lead us further down the path to serenity.