Imagine feeling fulfilled in your chosen vocation.

Imagine feeling calm, at peace with yourself and your choices.

Imagine being inspired to create each day.

Imagine being unruffled by the rush.

Imagine staying composed even in the face of conflict.

Imagine being in flow, feeling joyful about the life you live.

Victoria Dzenis of Serene Coaching can help you get started on the path towards Serenity…

At the time, I thought there was something wrong with me, because I didn’t know how to love myself. I figured I was doomed to a life without love, since I couldn’t say that I loved myself.

I can now say that I love myself.

What changed? First I had to come to truly KNOW my Self – with all of her faults and beauty. Only then could I embrace her and tell her “I love you.” It’s been a long journey with many twists and turns, but I can now honestly say I love myself.

I often hear clients who are struggling with how much to charge for their services or artwork, and I am reminded of what my mother used to say. How can we expect others to value what we have to offer if we do not value ourselves?

We’re taught that putting ourselves first is “selfish”. But how can we truly be of service to others if we do not care for ourselves? It’s that old airplane adage: “Put your oxygen mask on FIRST before you help someone else with theirs.” Only by caring for, loving and VALUING ourselves can we truly show up in the world in an authentic and meaningful way.

So, the next time you’re struggling with how much to charge for your work, go ahead and figure out your hourly rate and the cost of your materials, but remember to do so with YOU at the center, as the most valuable asset you have to offer your clients, customers and the world. There’s only one YOU. You’re the only one who can do what YOU do!

How do you value yourself? Where does it show up for you?  Here are some ideas:

• Take time to do what you love to do. (Even “doing nothing” is OK!) This is a way of loving yourself.
• Go for a walk. Take a nice hot bath. Take yourself out to lunch or a movie.
• Create a space for YOU in your home. It could be a shelf where you put your favorite pictures and knickknacks. It could be a whole room devoted to YOU and what you love.
• Collect thank-you notes and compliments. Put them in a scrapbook and look it over when you’re feeling down (or up for that matter!) Celebrate your successes. Remembering that others value you can help you when you’re struggling to value yourself.

When you value yourself, you (and your work) will be valued tenfold!

Inspired by a fellow coach’s practice of creating Vision Boards each year, I created my own Vision Board for 2009. (If you don’t know, a Vision Board is a homemade collage on poster-board with words and images that are inspiring to you and your vision for yourself.) My theme for 2009 has been “Being in Flow”. It hangs on the wall to the left of my desk, and each time I look at it, I am reminded to “cherish the moment”, “ creative a life you love”, “follow your path” and “choose a positive thought”. The images I chose reflect water in a variety of locales, such as a waterfall in a garden, the ocean, water flowing around rocks, a bridge over water, etc. Throughout the year, I’ve found myself glancing at these images and remembering to be in flow with myself and what life presents.

A Vision Board is an excellent way to stay inspired throughout the year. Of course, you can make a Vision Board for any occasion – mainly it’s a visual cue or reminder of your goals and dreams for yourself – how you envision your life. Whether you make one to help you envision a new home, a new (or improved) romantic relationship or a new job, a Vision Board is a fun, creative and meaningful picture of where you want to be.

So, what will your Vision Board look like for 2010? Grab a bunch of old catalogs, magazines, greeting cards, etc. and go to work collecting those words and images that inspire you. You don’t have to know ahead of time what your theme is. Sometimes the theme becomes apparent as you find yourself drawn to certain images.

My theme for my Vision Board this year is “Receive & Allow”. Like many of you I can find myself giving – till it hurts. I want to consciously practice receiving – with grace and gratitude. Also, I want to “allow” – to let things happen as they may, rather than constantly struggling to “make” things go the way I want. While I am a firm believer in taking action to achieve your goals and aspirations, I know I can fall prey to the desire to grip my goals by the throat in a vain attempt to control the outcome. Which, then, leads me to feel let down when things don’t go the way I want. Which, subsequently leads to me beating myself up for not “doing it right” – whatever that’s supposed to be.

So, in 2010, I consciously Receive & Allow. My Vision Board will be a supportive reminder to me, helping me to not only remember what my theme is, but to feel inspired to return to the theme when I get off track.

Have fun creating your Vision Board for 2010 and I wish you a very Happy, Healthy and Creative New Year!

For each of us, the risks will be different. We may be called to end relationships that are unhealthy for us. We may be prompted to seek a new vocation: something that speaks to our hearts as much as to our heads. We may choose to face into the hard feelings we’ve been avoiding: grief, loss, anger, betrayal. When we risk for serenity, we take a chance at being our authentic selves, even in the face of fear.

But what if that fear is a doorway? What if potential failure in one arena is really a stepping stone on a path to a new one? What if you chose to change — even something small, such as your route to work or how much sleep you get?

Sometimes, even these small choices seem risky. When you feel that little flutter in your stomach, when the choice to do something different seems a little scary — that’s the sign that you’re on the path to serenity, to joy, to getting to have the life you truly desire. Pay attention to those little choices, to that little leap in your heart. That’s the risk. That’s a small taste of Serenity.

And you get to have it.

• How am I feeling right now? (Ex: Sad, mad, angry, frustrated)
• How would I like to feel? (Ex: Happy, relaxed, worry-free)
• What do I need to support the good feelings I want? (Ex: To feel heard, to feel like I matter, to de-stress)
• What can I do for myself in order to get that support? (Ex: Ask for what I need, take a walk in the park to cool off & get clarity, take a hot bath to relax, etc.)

It’s important to remember that you’re searching for an answer inside, not a magic bullet from outside yourself. You may want your spouse, or boss, or parent to change, but you can’t control that. You can, however, support yourself inside in the face of those difficult conflicts.

It’s not about having all the answers, but rather being able to stay curious and keep asking the questions. Don’t let your mind fool you — you DO know deep down inside, everything you need to know to make positive sustained change in your life.

In the blog, Mr. Williams reports on a study conducted by Canadian researcher, Dr. Joanne Wood at the University of Waterloo and her colleagues at the University of New Brunswick “who have recently published their research in the Journal of Psychological Science, [and] concluded that ‘repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as individuals with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most.’”

This may come as a surprise to many of us in the coaching profession who strongly support the “power of positive thinking” as a tool for helping our clients change their lives.

The research conducted by Dr. Wood posits that people with particularly low self-esteem may respond poorly (feel worse) when they are instructed to repeat “positive affirmations” to themselves. This is mainly because those individuals with such low self-esteem simply cannot believe themselves “lovable”, “successful”. “capable” etc. Repeating these affirmations only makes them feel less lovable, successful or capable, not more so. It’s as if each affirmation, though intended to reinforce positive feelings, is just a reminder to these folks that they still have a long way to go before they feel good. (I know I have felt that way sometimes!)

However, Mr. Williams points out, “positive affirmations can help when they are part of a broader program of intervention. That intervention can take place in a number of forms such as cognitive psychotherapy or working with a coach who has expertise in the behavioral sciences.”

In other words, simply repeating positive phrases to yourself without the support and encouragement of a coach or therapist may not effect any significant change in your life. Rather, a more holistic approach — one that doesn’t deny negative thoughts, but rather accepts them — may prove to be more helpful.

Mr. Williams mentions theorists whom he terms “Third Wave Psychologists” who “encourage mindfulness, the meditation-inspired practice of observing thoughts without getting entangled by them” and “argue that trying to correct negative thoughts can paradoxically actually intensify them.”

These psychologists “acknowledge that negative thoughts recur throughout our life and instead of challenging or fighting with them, we should concentrate on identifying and committing to our values in life…we have pain, but rather than trying to push it away, they say trying to push it away or deny it just gives it more energy and strength.”

While there is nothing wrong with focusing our attention on positive intentions to manifest the outcomes we desire, we must also be ready to encounter those negative thoughts and behaviors that tend to hold us back. When we do, the key element to overcoming them is not to deny them, or degrade ourselves for having them, but rather to accept that we have thoughts and behaviors that we often term “negative” but that just “are”. We can let those feelings come and go, stay unattached to them and re-focus our energies on what we truly want in life. Doing so may lead us further down the path to serenity.

Many of us in the alternative/creative/helping professions find ourselves constantly bumping up against some old myths:

“You can’t make a living doing what you love.”

“If you’re an artist/helper you have to take a vow of poverty.”

I’ve believed these myths myself for a long time. But that’s starting to change.

For many of us, our creativity is something we cherish, that’s precious to us. And “work” or our “job” is something we have to do in order to get to pursue our creative endeavors. This bargain works for a lot of people. However, for those of us who take the risk to birth our creative endeavors into the world as entrepreneurs, the challenge to make what we LOVE into our WORK can be paralyzing.

To bridge the gap between Work and Creativity, we must be willing to let our creativity come out and play more. Invite your creativity to sit down at the computer with you when you’re working on your business – whether it’s working on marketing materials or business taxes! When you sit down to do “work”, ask yourself: “What’s my motivation? What is the goal of this business task?” It’s likely, if you follow your own line of thinking long enough, that you will come to an answer that brings you back to your creativity, your joy, your raison d’etre. “I’m doing this to attract clients, because I love coaching clients!” or “I’m working on this spreadsheet to understand how many pieces of jewelry I need to make in order to earn a living, so that I can MAKE MORE jewelry – cause that’s what I LOVE to do!”

Inviting our creativity into our business can also show us new ways of tackling things we love to hate. For example, I get anxious when I look at my “To Do” list. Sometimes, I can get so paralyzed by how much is on the list that I end up doing nothing. So recently I came up with a new way of making a To Do list that doesn’t paralyze me. I call it my “Menu of Choices”. I actually took a template for a restaurant menu and simply replaced the categories of “Appetizers, Entrees and Desserts” with things like “Reading & Research”, “Creativity Corner” and “Fun Stuff”. In each category I have a few things listed – some of which I am obliged to do, some of which I simply like to do. When I look at the Menu, I see a variety of things to choose from, rather than a long list of tasks looming in front of me.

The key to keeping our creativity and joy present in our business lies in how we are placing our attention to our intentions. We set intentions all of the time – but we must remember that to set an intention is not like making a New Year’s resolution. If we “fall off the wagon” of our intentions, rather than focusing our attention on what we did “wrong” or berating ourselves, we must cultivate the self-discipline to bring our focus back to the original intention. We can even creatively modify or change our intentions, to meet the needs of the moment.

When setting an intention for ourselves, it’s important to keep it in the present. Rather than saying, “I intend to start practicing Yoga every day,” say “I practice Yoga every day.” The former is easy to put off doing…the latter is more present and more powerful.

One attendee at a recent workshop I held was struggling with what happens when she “falls off the wagon” of her intention. “What if I don’t follow my intention?” she asked. I said, “Then you forgive yourself for falling off the wagon, and start up again.” In response to this, she set a new intention:

“I build a wagon.”

Which was a very creative answer. We can each build the wagons of our creative intentions and hitch them up to our business intentions, in order to break the stranglehold of those negative myths of success in creative entrepreneurship.

Our capacity to achieve our goals and manifest our intentions lies not solely in our skill with a paintbrush, a pen or our training in a specific practice. Our capacity to achieve lies within our hearts.

As Creative Entrepreneurs, we often find ourselves feeling alone in what we do. Whether it’s our art or vocation requiring alone time to pursue or it’s the feeling that no one understands or accepts the choices we’ve made to pursue our art or vocation – we feel alone.

At a workshop I held recently, the feeling of community that the participants generated in the not-quite-2 hours we were together enthralled me. It could be that this group was made up of people uniquely poised to engage with others, but what I’d prefer to believe is that, given the opportunity (as they were) to be authentically themselves and meet each other in a heartfelt, genuine way, their sense of and capacity for community was enriched.

Each of the participants expressed afterwards how much they appreciated the group as a whole. It’s my hope that some true community was begun that day and that at least a few of these folks stayed in touch. Regardless, the experience brought home to me again how important it is to reach out to community. Whether it’s formal or informal, a regular group meeting or a gathering of friends, we are buoyed by community. In community with each other, we remember that we are not alone.

Find a community (or two!) to support you when you feel alone, disconnected or discouraged. Meet up with like-mindeds, or challenge yourself to meet with people you wouldn’t usually choose to know. You may learn something! Or, take a class. Take your dog to the dog park. Go to a workshop or networking event. Most important of all, be yourself. Be who you are at your heart’s core and you will find the community you need.

Seek out that group of genuine people who speak to your heart, mind and spirit.

They’re out there. And they need community, too.

I am ready to start thinking about the New Year. The Winter Solstice period is an ideal time for reflection, soul-searching and germinating the seeds of what will come next…

So, as a preview of what I have planned, please read below!

I’m excited to announce that I will be hosting two new workshop events as well as my ongoing coaching group in the New Year:

• The first is a collaboration between me and Tarot card reader, Amy Goetz www.barefootphoenix.com. Amy is a charming and ebullient presenter grounded in spirit. I first went to her Tarot workshop a couple of months ago and quickly saw the connection between the power of the Tarot and the power of Coaching. Amy and I will be presenting a workshop which will help you set your Intentions for the New Year – a different and more meaningful take on the New Year’s resolution. This workshop will be taking place in the second week of January, date TBD. It will be held in the Northgate area of Seattle.

• Additionally, I am diligently working on a workshop focused on re-connecting with your Creative Joy. In this workshop you will face into what stops you from pursuing your creative dreams and tackle those issues head-on so that you can get your feet back on the path to your true calling. As I finalize this workshop, I’ll be sending out more information on dates & location.

• Finally, I have had the distinct pleasure of facilitating a great coaching group, aptly named “Creatives-n-Tea” each month in the Wallingford neighborhood of Seattle. This group is open to any Creative Entrepreneurs who desire community, networking and some thought-provoking conversation. The next Tea will be held on Wednesday, December 16th from 12:30-2:30PM at Tea House Kuan Yin in Wallingford. Please contact me for more information about the Creatives-n-Tea coaching group!

May Joy abound for you this Holiday Season and may your dreams and goals manifest in the New Year!