Tag Archives: choices

Horse Blinders

Horse Blinders

So, here we are on day #2 of the 30 days of Imperfection.

Tonight, I’m thinking about how short life is. And how unfair it can seem.

And how important the choices we make for ourselves when faced with adversity can be.

This year, there seems to have been a rash of serious (and sometimes deadly) illness among my friends and colleagues. It feels too much to bear sometimes.

Then I think about how these people have chosen to face the situations in which they find themselves. It feels a bit trite and cliche to say it, but I have been awed by the courage I’ve been present to, by the willingness to live in spite of everything. I wonder whether I have that capacity, that will.

It’s all about the choices we make. Every day, choosing to live instead of letting my life ebb away from me. Every day, choosing to wrestle with the same fears, the same demons, the same blocks I’ve been fighting all my life. Every day, reaching out to the people in my life who have supported me, and offering to give as well as receive.

What keeps us in our cages? What keeps us believing that we have no other choice than to tread the path we’re on, even when we set up those roadblocks in our own way? I’m stuck, there is no way out. I have no choice because… I can’t possibly imagine giving up the excruciating pain I am in because it feels safe to be here. It’s secure, it’s known. There is no other way.

And then life deals a powerful blow: kidney failure, cancer, job loss, car crash. We wait and wait until we are handed the only choice we can make: to take care of ourselves. To take care of myself. To know that what I thought was my fate, is, in fact, not.

What if we could choose to see beyond our horse-blinders before it gets too late? What could entice you to take them off, to entertain the notion that maybe that secure place isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?

I hope whatever it is, it’s not too serious. Take off those blinders and look around. It’s not too late, nor too soon to make a different choice.

 

30 Days of Imperfection

30 Days of Imperfection

I’ve taken on a challenge: to write blog posts for 30 days (give or take, with the Holidays around the corner!) without judging myself, re-writing or over-editing. This idea was started by another coach, Jac McNeil, who had avoided blogging because she didn’t feel she would be good at it. She committed to  blog for 30 Days of Imperfection. I’ve struggled with blogging consistently (as you might have noticed!) so I’m taking this on and in the process giving myself permission to just write about whatever comes.

Starting this blog challenge on Imperfection seems so right for me right now.

I finally truly understand that every choice I make in my life, I am making for myself, and myself only. Not for anyone else. Not anymore.

It’s actually never possible to make a choice for someone else. Or live your life for someone else. But for the majority of my life, I’ve been living with a core belief that I have do things right; that I have to make choices that others would approve of. And when I don’t, I feel guilty and worried about what they might think.

But who is that, “they”? At some point, my life became my own. I no longer had to abide by the rules or mores that my parents, my teachers, my peers set in place for me. I could choose. But even with this knowledge, I have still struggled mightily with that inner voice that constantly judges my every move, my every choice.

Only very recently has it clicked that there is no one for whom I have to be perfect. We can argue whether there ever was, but once you’ve hit 40, the list becomes shorter and shorter.

There is no one for me to prove myself to.

There is no one to please.

There is no one to disappoint; no one’s judgment or condemnation to fear.

There is no one to impress.

I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I just AM.

I’m setting this intention today: that each choice I make will begin first with love and compassion for myself. My choices will be based on what’s best for me, before I concern myself with what’s best for anyone else. The old airplane saying “put on your oxygen mask before helping others” comes to mind.

When I open up in that way, I open to feeling further connected with a greater whole: that spark which is in each individual and connects all of us.

Each of us choosing for herself. Each of us walking his path.

Together.