Day #3 of Imperfection, and I’m already hyper-criticizing myself.
Who do I think I am, writing about this personal development stuff? It’s all been said before. What makes me think I can present the subject in a new way?
Why would anyone read what I write? I’m not some kind of super-expert! What if I offend somebody or write something so stupidly obvious that people will just delete it?
Ugh. Man, I can be so hard on myself!
I don’t know whether anyone cares about anything I’m writing, but does that really matter? This whole exercise is for me to get out there without judging myself along the way. To let go of those demons who say all these nasty things and just speak my truth. From my life experience. From my perspective. Which may, in some cases, speak to yours. Your life. Maybe offer a new perspective for you, or reinforce one you already have.
What makes me think I can do this?
What other choice can I make?
Now that I am embracing making the choices that are right for me, that come from inside-out instead of outside-in, the only choice that sits well with me is to do it. To write, to express, to let go of the outcome.
I still hope you like what I’m sharing. I hope it’s helpful to you. But even if you don’t or it isn’t, I’m doing it anyway. Because this is for me. And as I share my thoughts and feelings about imperfection openly, perhaps you’ll feel invited to share yours too.
Trusting the process is, in essence, the act of trusting yourself. Maybe that’s why it feels so hard, sometimes. We shy away from trusting ourselves – often because we focus on mistakes or “bad” decisions/judgment calls we’ve made in the past (like, yesterday). It’s hard for me to trust myself when I remember my failed relationships, the debt I’ve racked up, the jobs I’ve held that stressed me out so much they made me sick (literally). Our “inner critic” can be so loud sometimes that we get stuck where we are, reliving over and over the messes we’ve created, the things we can’t forgive ourselves for.
But the very idea of trusting the process is rooted in the notion that we are not stagnant. We are not stuck in the past, doomed to continue making the same mistakes or decisions that do not serve us. The first step to trusting the process is remembering that LIFE is a process. The second step? That, as living beings, WE are a process.
I’m sitting in my backyard as I write this and the process Nature goes through — renewing herself yet again at this time of year– strikes me. The process of pushing buds out into flowers, followed by leaves; the process of insects emerging from their hidey-holes into the light of day; the process of birds returning North to fill our skies with song.
Nature trusts her process.
What would it be like for you if you trusted that you could make choices that were different, were right for you? How different could life be if you allowed mistakes as a part of the process, pausing to admire the learning along the way?
The flower blossoms don’t stay on the cherry trees forever (much as I wish they would). In Nature’s process they are joined by leaves and eventually become fruit. What fruits will you harvest when you trust your process and let go of the wilted flowers of your past?
What becomes possible for you?